Show Notes

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Emotional Intelligence

Takeaways from the Episode

Hey everyone and welcome back to a brand new episode of the young church leaders podcast.

If you are a first-time listener to our podcast, welcome! We release a new episode of the podcast every other week.

I do want to say thank you to everyone who has left a review for our podcast and who share what we’re doing on social media.

We believe that leadership development begins with the heart and that every leader gets better when they give their heart the attention it needs.

You know a key verse that inspires us and what we do at Young Church Leaders is 1 Samuel 16 where God reminds Samuel that the Lord doesn’t look at outward appearance when selecting leaders, the Lord looks at the heart. And so David was not chosen because of anything he had done, but because God saw his heart. We want to help you develop your heart in your leadership at home, work and in your personal life. That’s what we’re passionate about.

Today we’re doing something entirely different than anything we’ve ever done on the podcast. A book review. And not only that, but we’ve also produced a video of this podcast to go along with the audio version. So, whether you’re listening to this on a phone, tablet or computer, what you can do is head over to youngchurchleaders.org and find the show notes page. There you can follow along with a video as well as find all the regular show notes that accompany this episode.

Many of you will know that January was the month of self-awareness at young church leaders and as part of our own development, both Josh and I read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry. We both found it incredibly helpful in our own lives, challenging us to really buckle down and do the hard work of self-reflection and we wanted to share a bit of that journey with you. So here are our takeaways from the book.

How many of you have ever found yourselves in a situation where your emotions took over? Where it felt like your brain went off-line and you reacted in a way you’d never want to or maybe you simply froze? Me too. I think we all have.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 deals with emotions. Specifically, Emotional Intelligence. In the studies that were done in preparation for the book, only 36 percent of people could accurately identify their emotions as they happen. That’s a huge problem when it comes to leadership since our emotions come into play every day in our interactions with our surroundings.

So what is the basic premise of the book? Well, unlike IQ, which is fixed, our EQ can be developed. And that’s why we think you should read this book. No matter where your EQ currently is, high or low, you can work to develop your Emotional Intelligence.

The book lays out 4 key skills that make up our emotional intelligence; self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

Self-awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations. This includes staying on top of your typical reactions to specific events, challenges, and people.

Self-management is what happens when you act—or do not act and it is dependent on your self-awareness. Self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behaviour positively. This means managing your emotional reactions to situations and people.

Social-awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them. This often means perceiving what other people are thinking and feeling even if you don’t feel the same way.

Relationship-management essentially pulls everything together. It is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. This ensures clear communication and effective handling of conflict.

One of the things that I was convicted of as I read the book is the impact our emotional intelligence has on those around us. Throughout the book, we’re given examples of people demonstrating high and low ability in each skill. What was common throughout the examples of people with low skills was the potential for their blindness to their own emotions to hurt the people they interacted with.

Now, like I said at the beginning, the good news is, none of these skills is fixed. You can develop each one to become more emotionally intelligent. And so the second part of the book helps you understand your own growth areas and then suggests strategies that will help develop that area. There are strategies for self-awareness, self-management, social-awareness, and relationship-management.

For example, one of my growth areas is being attuned to my own emotions as I’m feeling them, specifically negative emotions. To that end, one of the strategies laid out in the book that I’m working on is leaning into my discomfort. Too many people shy away from the discomfort that comes with feeling what you’re feeling. Rather than allowing themselves to experience the emotion and understand it, they try to avoid it. In Emotional Intelligence 2.0 we read, “Rather than avoiding a feeling, your goal should be to move toward the emotion, into it, and eventually through it.” Leaning into the discomfort helps me understand the emotions I’m experiencing.

Coming off of a month of focusing on self-awareness we can’t recommend this book enough. Do yourself and your leadership a favour and spend some time in 2018 developing your emotional intelligence.

As always we’d like to thank our sponsor the Global Leadership Summit! The GLS offers fresh, actionable, and inspiring leadership content from a world-class faculty at a convenient location near you. This year we’re excited to hear from leaders like Bill Hybels, Erwin McManus, and Danny Meyer. We also want to give you the heads up that the full list of speakers will be unveiled in March. You can check them out at willowcreek.com.

Thanks for tuning in. We’d love to hear from you. If you have a comment or question you can email me at grant@youngchurchleaders.org or find us at youngchurchleaders.org. We also have a Facebook page and group that we’d love for you to connect with. Make sure to tune in in two weeks for another episode of the young church leaders podcast.

Quotes from this Episode

Self-awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment Click To Tweet

Self-management is what happens when you act—or do not act Click To Tweet

Social-awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them. Click To Tweet

Relationship-management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. Click To Tweet

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Next Episode

Join us next time on the Young Church Leaders Podcast with Grant Vissers. In episode 8 we talk to Matthew Ruttan about burnout, ministry, health and the heart.